oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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