Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize