Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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