I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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