you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
