She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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