then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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