peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize