I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
