I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
