i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
