So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
