just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
