that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
