Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
