my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
