Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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