So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
