I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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