i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
