I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
