you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize