I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Where is the hickey?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
