Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
