does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
