he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
