Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize