not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
