I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
