you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
