Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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