My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
