we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
