I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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