she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
