Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
