I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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