mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize