My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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