You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
