Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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