thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
