he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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