so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
