he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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