you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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