Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
