After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want nice things and good sex
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
