I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
