My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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