smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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