Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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