Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
