Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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