it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My ass is underappreciated
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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