I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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