Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
