You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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