yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
