i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think my mom watched the whole time
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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