god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
