: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drunk is not a location!
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