She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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