Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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