well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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