we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
