you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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