your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
