In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
