My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
