my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Everything about him screamed your future.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
