after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
