Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
