genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
