We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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