Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
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