You just made me feel so damn special
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
