Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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