You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
