Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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