this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
