Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize