I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
