So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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