I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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